Somehow it’s been an entire year since I stepped back from For Books’ Sake, the non-profit I founded and ran for over a decade.

If you’ve been here a while, you’ll remember I wrote about that milestone at the time, about how making things, loving them and letting them go is a complex, bittersweet, beautiful thing. An act of trust and surrender (never strong suits of mine but I keep practising). And in reflecting on everything that’s happened in the year since, I re-found this cute video of my co-director Paul and I recapping our highlights of those times…

I remain infinitely grateful that For Books’ Sake is still alive and kicking under the leadership and care of Bridget and Jo, both brilliant humans and writers. And in-between being boggled by the way this year has somehow both flashed and dragged by, I’ve also been thinking about my core intention with stepping back from For Books’ Sake: to (re)commit to my own creative projects. To direct my time, attention and energy towards writing and other creative projects I can stand behind with full authenticity, honesty and integrity.
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In some ways, I’d consider that commitment kept. Since this time last year, I’ve published my debut chapbook, released three short films, signed two book contracts, written one novel (for one of those contracts) and re-written another multiple times (for the other contract, one I later cancelled when it became clear that the publisher wasn’t going to hold up to their side of the deal), and had essays published in So Long As You Write and The Modern Craft. Oh, and I celebrated the third birthday of Rebel Therapy by revamping the website to make it even more obnoxiously neon and leopardprint than before.
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I’ve also barely touched my in-progress short story collection, and only done one live in-person performance. I’ve taken half-formed scraps of old, old work to my writing group almost every month because usually I had nothing else to share. There are multiple other projects I wanted to push forward and haven’t. All of which to say… there’s a lesson in here, somewhere. About setting realistic intentions and holding ourselves accountable. About being grateful and proud of the work we’ve done and grieving the things that didn’t pan out the way we hoped. About holding space for multiple emotions at once, for being just as proud of the rest, acceptance and self-compassion as the tangible on-paper accomplishments. About knowing when to trust and surrender, and to stop pushing so damn hard.
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Earlier today, I rewatched that video of Paul and I chatting this time last year and reminded myself how the thing I learnt most from my time at For Books’ Sake was the importance of keeping the faith: in ourselves and each other, in our creativity and our weird ideas, and in our dedication to bring them into being. One year on, I still have that faith, even if it wobbles sometimes. And I’m still practising trusting it as hard as I can.

Originally shared in my newsletter in October 2022