Heatwave-melted and pre-menstrual, plans for a collective solstice ritual with pals sent sideways by illness, I piled cushions on the floor, curled up with Cosmo and pulled six tarot cards (and then some bonus ones) for the six months between this solstice and next…

I hand-wrote the key correspondences for each one in my journal, but I’m sharing them here as a potential keystone to return to, something I can reflect on more over the next six months and see what shifts in that time.

EIGHT OF SWORDS: A message about feeling (but not being) trapped, imprisoned and confused. Being afraid and self-victimising. Being hemmed in, restricted, and blindfolded to the ways out and through. Reversed: freedom, release, self-acceptance, empowerment. I’ve been chafing against internalised expectations that don’t fit. I want to be bolder, more fearless, more wily and imaginative when it comes to wriggling free from the traps I feel stuck in. Prise the rusty trap jaw loose, unclamp its metal teeth from my flesh. Scamper free: maybe bleeding but liberated. Self-pity is a trap I repeatedly get stuck in, and one I want to release.

ACE OF SWORDS: A knife-blade to slice through illusions. A clear, decisive breakthrough, cutting through deception to find clarity and truth. A dagger to hack at the Eight of Swords bonds, a way of getting free? What decisive action do I need to take? I’m connecting both of these to my creative practice, and need to think how I can ‘cut through’ all the internalised bullshit that keeps me static to release a more honest version of my voice.

NINE OF CUPS: A balm to my soul. Satisfaction, stability, finding joy and purpose and pleasure after loss. Bring it on. Needed after all those Swords. A hopeful symbol of rewards to come.

THE LOVERS: Love being revealed through everyday actions. Union, harmony, balance, trust. Feeling grateful for the love, care and beauty of my relationships, and the collaborative place my partner and I are in at the moment. A solid foundation from which to continue building good things.

PAGE OF WANDS: Bold, adventurous, excited, energetic. The need for courage and faith when setting out to explore. Being open to being filled with wonder and awe. Here for this and wanting more.

UNITY: A card that’s unique to the Curious Cats deck I was using. Following on from The World, it’s about strength, belonging and love. Connection to others as gateway for security and abundance. Which echoes with me getting out my runes and choosing…

GEBO: Literally translates to ‘gift.’ Exchange of energy. Generosity, balance, reciprocity. Flow in friendships. “You are surrounded by an abundance of gifts and talents,” and I am. I’m proud of the ways I nurture my closest relationships, but pulling Unity followed by this rune (along with a beautiful solstice message from a mate reminiscing about some of the ways we’ve been there for each other in the last six months) led me to reflect on the ways I don’t always fully trust those around me. Or: I trust them, but not myself. Not to ask for help, not to fall apart. I whinge about the things I find hard (far more culturally allowed and encouraged), but a true sharing of loss, grief, hurt and fear is harder to broach. Even though I have so much evidence of how being on the other side of that can be a gateway to deeper care, trust and intimacy. I am proud of the literal and metaphorical holding I’ve done for my nearest and dearest in tough times, and I want to practice being vulnerable and open enough to let them do it for me when I need. I’m soft, and it’s not that it’s a secret when I’m struggling, but I know I minimise or get stuck in self-pity and grouchy complaining rather than the honest communication I admire in those around me. Needing to remember that this too can be a gift. An opportunity to affirm that the connections we’ve co-built can flux in multiple directions with the ebb and flow of our respective needs.

Then I decided to get out the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit deck by Kim Krans, and pulled…

GOLDEN EGG: A “magical essence that needs warmth, quiet and time to unfold.” No rushing, pushing or grasping. I need that last sentence scrawled on every mirror, in every notebook, maybe tattooed on my face. Something I deffo need to think about more: what are the ways I slow down and make space to listen to my intuition? What actions can I take to reduce the internal and external noise?

And during our shifted-online solstice gathering, a mate pulled a card for me from their Druid Craft tarot deck and got… 

TWO OF SWORDS: This one was the most upsetting to grapple with, which probably means it’s the one I need to pay most attention to. Dilemma, procrastination, a deliberate turning away and blindfolding from options. Being out of balance and overwhelmed. Wanting to lash out or hide, which are both just ways of keeping people away (guilty as charged). Wanting to make the right choice, but being fearful of taking action. Which: although I am still practising embracing imperfection, this is something I still deeply struggle with, and want to work on more between this solstice and next. Another friend on the same call gave me this mantra as a way of working with it: “There is no perfect choice, just the next honest step.” I’m not sure I’ll ever not flinch when I draw cards from the Swords suit, so my impulse is to hide from it, which means maybe writing about it here is a way of publicly resisting that instinct, and instead committing to taking honest steps over staying stuck. I’m connecting this to the earlier Swords cards I pulled, and thinking about what taking honest actions looks like for me – creatively and otherwise – in the next six months and beyond.

Are there meanings here I’m missing? Message me with your hot takes on what the cards are telling me.